there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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