when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
