So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
