The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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