I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
