The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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