I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
