KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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