i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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