why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
