Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
