Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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