dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Success! We fucked roommates!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
