you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
