When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
