We won't sleep together?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love having hate sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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