Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
