Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
