i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
