i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
