also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
