Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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