Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
