are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
