Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
