The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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