Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
