btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
