Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
