I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
