I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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