worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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