That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
