He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
