I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
