Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
