This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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