singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
