I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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