He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
