So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
