I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
