She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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