Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
