Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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