Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
