you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
