my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
