I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Randomize
