Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
