was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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