Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
