I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
